I’m sitting in an empty parking lot. The sun is setting behind a hill. Cold. Lonely.
I don’t feel like the medication is doing much at all. One pill makes me sleep. One pill wakes me up. In between I feel indifferent.
Maybe we aren’t supposed to feel happiness in life. How can the world work if everyone feels like this?
Bipolar is a terminal illness. I can’t disappear and I don’t know how to live.
Last week I was hypomanic, and my sleep is still out of whack. I take my evening meds at 6 pm, I’m awake at midnight. I take another pill and sleep until 3. I usually just get up then and sit by the fire place. What in the hell am I doing?
Wish me luck because I’m going down.
Things are not OK 
Michael, hang in there. I know it feels pointless, but it does get better. If these meds are not work, don’t waste time on them. Try something new. It takes many trials but you will find something that at least makes life livable. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Thanks, sometimes I’m hit with thoughts that say, “what does it matter we just die anyway,”
I have been in your place so many times; I have bipolar too. I know it seems rough now but you will get past this sadness and emptiness and find some balance. You have already taken a great step by choosing to write about it; I know people will read this and relate. We are not alone, my friend and I hope things improve for you; I really do. Stay strong!!
I can relate… You think why can’t I feel that happiness everyone else feels. It’s hearing. The only way I found around this thought. I’d making a counter claim asking what can I do right now to bring my mood up? Do it. Seriously. Watch a funny tv show. Sing in the car. What ever makes your mood go up.